I’m working on keeping a better notebook. I love notebooks but I’ve never been good at sticking with one from start to finish. I tend to scribble like a mad scientist when I’m visualizing. Possibly I’m afraid to let details escape before I can capture them on paper. It’s a discipline, I’m learning, to keep a good one. I am planning to create a notebook that is beautiful, archival, filled with drawings and the ultra neat notes of a serial killer.

But, I’m gaining on it. I remind myself to slow down, take time to write things out. I’ve pre-numbered my pages, so I won’t be tempted to tear any out. And I’ve noticed that I’m developing a decent habit of reaching for this notebook—instead of whatever scrap of paper is nearest.

The other part is always knowing where the notebook is.

WHY HESITATE?
UPON THE PLAINS OF COUNTLESS MILLIONS,
WHO ON THE THRESHOLD OF VICTORY SAT DOWN
TO WAIT, AND IN WAITING THEY DIED

Just a little wolf I made in Blender.

No, I have not expired, gone into hiding, or moved to a different country.

I continue to be the artist struggling toward the light, with a bloodshot eye, and a slightly crazed look.

These last months have been, so far, the most enduring I can remember. Yours truly is tired and has a mountain of work ahead. I even had a premonition just the other day seemingly seeing bright glimpses of better days ahead.

I’ll be having mid terms next week. I’ll be a bit raw around the edges, but deeply inspired. If I’m very lucky, it will all balance to the good. Despite all, I tend to be able to turn things around. I’m not terribly worried and am looking forward to it all.

The work continues to be good, when I can get to it.

So. There I am. I am pretty wrung out and Planet Ganz continues to spin along on its axis while we humans try to make sense of things.

I’m asking you to trust in me. We have been friends for a long time. We’ve shared our secrets, hurts, and loves. Now I can’t stand by and watch someone hurt you as you are taken for granted. Let me be the one that loves you – more than a friend. Let me love you as your lover.

Am I surprising you or am I bringing you a shocking idea? Hear me out before you reject my idea. All I’ve ever wanted was you. Maybe it was using our friendship as an excuse to be close to you. Don’t run from what I’m revealing, but stay and let me love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Just say the word and I’m yours – now and for eternity. Knowing that you love me in return would fulfill a quest of dreams and fantasies. I love you deeply with all my soul. I love you more than any friend. I love you in every way imaginable. I know I can make you happy. Remember, you came to know me as your friend first. Let me be more and let me be all to you.

I am not getting enough sleep. I feel like Batman in the first half of Knightfall, literally drained of all physical strength. Also there this stinging sensation in one of my eyes that does not want to go away.

Although I am not offically celebrating Deepavali, I usually use this day as an excuse to buy clothing for myself. I am not much of a shopper but you already know that. Still I just wish I can find the time and mood to shop for some new clothing.

On a happier note, I got many positive feedback from my course mates and from my Lecturer Mr. Dilip on my Portfolio. Btw I haven’t really talked about my lecturers much. Actually there’s so much to say about them that if I did I end up sounding like a some school girl talking about a prime time Korean drama series.

Mr Dilip is an artist who can literally draw or paint anything he sees and I mean literally. And Mr. Janzo is an ex Disney animator who actually was one of the pencil masters behind some of my favorite Disney animated features.

That’s it. I am going to drag myself to the stadium every morning and start running.

Yes, I said time and time again I like jogging at night. But who gives a crap about what we like, It’s all about what must be done.

Okay here’s the challenge. – 75kg by 1st Jan.

Bring it on.

It’s been ten days since I last posted and I think you are tried of hearing me say I’m busy.

The truth is, I am. The barrage of assignments, my work and all that reading leaves very little time for myself.

Anyway if you must know, I have picked up Tony Buzan’s mind mapping books and also am trying to learn Speed Reading.

And I won’t be inviting anyone for Deepavali this year, as my grandmother’s one year prayer falls on Dec 13, the day after my brother birthday.

If you wondering what’s this prayer got to do with Deepavali…Well I really don’t know. I didn’t write this ridiculous dogma and I don’t follow it. My parents do, so I guess I have to.