About 13 years ago, my teacher tasked the entire class to read a book. Little did she know the impact that book will have on me.

There comes a time in a person life in which they get to realize how horrible human existence can be. It so happened that it came to me pretty early in my life.

The book Friedrich changed the way I saw the world. It was by far the most earth shattering book I ever read.

Last monday, as I was browsing for a new read for the week, I chanced upon Friedrich again. It was a reprint and was quite surprised at how thin the book was.

So what is Friedrich about? It is a story of two boys during the persecution of Jews in Germany during the Holocaust. The book showed not only the intensity of the Nazi Germany genocide, but the treatment of one neighbor to another after finding out that they were Jews.

Friedrich resonates themes from promethus bound and George Orwell’s masterpiece 1984. Books that I would highly recommend you read if you ever find the time.

I have decided there is no point in being sad, depresssed and anxious about the future.

We can either believe that there is some kind of intended purpose or reason for us being on this planet or we believe life or human existence has no real meaning or purpose because human existence occurred out of a random chance in nature, and anything that exists by chance has no intended purpose.

Either way we might as well do what we want with the time that is given to us.

We could start by not comparing ourselves with others becasue really there is no point. Luxury matters not to the dead and we can all stop watching nonsensical ads because companies are only appealing to our vanities.

At the end of the film; Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life, we can see Michael Palin being handed an envelope, he opens it, and provides the viewers with ‘the meaning of life’: “Well, it’s nothing very special. Uh, try to be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.

Really there is no point in feeling shitty at all. We can either accept the way things are or we can struggle long and hard to change things. Usually the long struggle pays off a little better because you almost always end up a little wiser and more often than not respected by people who matter.

Motivations are good. Especially vulgar ones like these.

This is one of my many affirmation I personally use and it goes like this.

You don’t get to give up.

Not you.

Not now, not ever.

Quit Whinning and get it done.

I don’t care what the fuck the others have told you.

You tell them to go and fuck themselves.

You have as much right in this crack pot world as those mother fuckers.

And if you think you deserve a little rest, sure you can rest when you are fucking dead.

And why the fuck are you still here, you think someone else will accomplish your goals for you? Fuck you Ganesan or is it Ganz, I don’t care who the fuck you are, you stop whatever the fuck you are doing and get it done.

And stop smiling before I come down there and knock your teeth out you stupid fuck.

When you’re alone, what do you really do? How do you deal with. How do you cope with yourself? Is it a burden? Or is it for you a way to dive deep into your soul and understand yourself? In my case, it’s both.

Sometimes I feel really alone, and I have no one to talk to. Sometimes there is this moment that I really need to be alone and to understand what’s going on, not in the world, but within myself.

The emperor, who was a devout Buddhist, invited a great Zen master to the Palace in order to ask him questions about Buddhism.

“What is the highest truth of the holy Buddhist doctrine?” the emperor inquired.

“Vast emptiness… and not a trace of holiness,” the master replied.

“If there is no holiness,” the emperor said, “then who or what are you?”

“I do not know,” the master replied.

A farmer got so old that he couldn’t work the fields anymore. So he would spend the day just sitting on the porch. His son, still working the farm, would look up from time to time and see his father sitting there.

“He’s of no use any more,” the son thought to himself, “he doesn’t do anything!” One day the son got so frustrated by this, that he built a wood coffin, dragged it over to the porch, and told his father to get in. Without saying anything, the father climbed inside.

After closing the lid, the son dragged the coffin to the edge of
the farm where there was a high cliff. As he approached the drop, he heard a light tapping on the lid from inside the coffin.

He opened it up. Still lying there peacefully, the father looked up at his son. “I know you are going to throw me over the cliff, but before you do, may I suggest something?”

“What is it?” replied the son.

“Throw me over the cliff, if you like,” said the father, “but save this good wood coffin. Your children might need to use it.”

I was out walking yesterday when I heard someone do an awful imitation of a dog barking in the middle of the night. As I caught myself thinking why on earth anyone would make fake “Woof, Woof” Sounds I just happen to see our canine friend standing there across the street.

I guess that’s God’s way to remind me that I ain’t that smart after all.

Sometimes all I can do is the laugh at his sense of humor.

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway.
–Mother Teresa

Years ago when I came across this, I naively believed that everyone I helped would turn out to be my friends and respect me. Little did I know most of my good deeds were forgotten and I have been despised in some circles. Yet here I am years later still doing what I can to help. Why? not because I could, should or would. It’s because I can.

A lot of time I often find solace in the story of karnan. The man who in my estimation was the greatest warrior in Mahabharata.  He gave everything he ever owned because of his magnanimity and had to be tricked in order to be defeated by Krishna and his cronies.

Oddly I never learned Mahabharata in school. I guess the teachers thought it was too much trouble. After all even the tele series is about 94 episodes long. Had someone actually took the time to explain the story to me back that, I would surely put more effort in my Tamil classes.

Thankfully life always presents us with second chances. At least now I don’t have to be embarrassed in front of my friends and get slapped by Tamil teachers anymore which by the way did more harm to my fragile ego than almost anything else.

I always knew that if I was ever going to be an author. I won’t write a Tamil novel, I would probably get someone who is an ace translator to do it for me. Problem solved. There are enough people in this world who love these kinds of challenges leaving me to do what I really want to do.

We depend on other people. It has taken me a long time to realise this and I have finally accepted it. I know people who are proud of their emotional independence, although the truth is they’re as fragile as everyone else and weep in private and never ask for anyone’s help.

They believe in the unwritten rule of nature;  survival of the fittest. If that were true, we as human beings would never survived, because,  as a species we require care and protection for several years.

we acquire some ability to fend for ourselves at the age of 9, whereas a lion takes 2 years, a giraffe a mere 5 months and a bee achieves independence in less than 5 minutes.

Before I head off to Canada, there are 8 things I am going to accomplish

1. Reduce my weight – 75kg
2. Get my Drivers’ License
3. Put all my Notes in Order
4. Buy more clothing
5. Master Maya
6. Reorganize my Digital Assets
7. Read all the books on my reading list
8. Write 2 more poems