“I am willing to leave everything. Please, take me as a disciple.”

“How does a man choose his Path?”

“Through sacrifice. A path that demands sacrifice is a true path.”

The abbot bumped into a bookcase. A very rare vase fell down and the young man threw himself to the floor to pick it up. He fell the wrong way and broke his arm. But he was able to save the vase.

“Which sacrifice is greater, to see the vase breaking down our breaking an arm to save it?”

“I don’t know.”

“So then, do not try to guide your choice through sacrifice. The path is chosen by our capacity of compromising with each step we make while we walk.”

Note to self: Wake up and smell the roses you stupid fuck. Sacrifice is not the way.

Today I finished a painting I’ve been working on for weeks. That felt good. I stood back and crossed my arms and said, “Ok, I’m calling it…”

I’m sorry no one is ever going to see it. It’s just too personal.

I would really like to say I am directing a film right now and how I have no time to blog and barely time to breathe, but you can see through my white lies.

I am bored and full of suppressed emotions.

And it doesn’t really help when you have dreams that seem utterly real and doesn’t care how you would feel when it kindles private memories from years gone by.

I know I can’t change the past but must it torment me even in my sleep?

I just want to lock all this up in a box and shove it under a bed of memories and move on.

I mean what else is there to do but to move on.

I never thought this would affect me as much as it does now.

As the years pass you by
Hear this voice from deep inside
It’s the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The passage out of the dark

Our whole culture is moving for some time now with a tortured tension that is growing from decade to decade, as toward a catastrophe: restlessly, violently, headlong, like a river that wants to reach the end, that no longer reflects, that is afraid to reflect.

Old readers might remember I had a series called the blog betterment in which I would review my monthly posts to fix the grammatical errors.

I have noticed that some of my old posts do not always sound right and I am surprised at how I could have missed these errors repeatedly.

Well I am going to fix those problems soon.

I know this is a waste of time, but I just don’t care anymore.

I feel like remembering the past.

Time is a wicked master
Put your life into its hand
Close your eyes and it will crush you
Fate only spins you faster
It’s a curse born unto man
Turns your dreams into disaster

I’m finding my way back to sanity…again, though I don’t really know what I’m going to do when I get there.

Take a breath and hold on tight?

Spin around one more time and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace?

Cause I am hanging on every word you say and even if you feel you don’t want to speak tonight that’s alright…

Alright with me cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heavens door and listen to you breathing…that’s where I want to be yeah…

Am I setting myself up for another disappointment?

Hmm…

Bite Me.

Bastards… you’d think the goddamn exams was the be-all end-all of existence… the cosmic life-force or somethin’. Can’t even say a few decent words to a guy… th’ bastards… What a bore… take some bennies an’ stay up all night with your face stuck in a bunch of books an’ your thumbs up your ass… Yes… yes… I remember the time when it was all very inspiring and enlightening… all this history and literature and sociology shit… You think learning is a really big thing an’ you become this big fuckin’ intellectual and sit around tryin’ ta out-intellectual all the other big fuckin’ intellectuals… you spend years and years with your nose buried in these goddamn tomes while out there the world is passin’ you by… and all the stuff to see and all th’ kicks an’ girls are all out there… an’ ME, a writer ad a poet who should be havin’ adventures an’ experiencing all the diversities and paradoxes and ironies of life and passin’ over all the roads of the world and digging all the cities and towns and rives and oceans… and making all them chicks!