Today was mostly an administrative sort of day, measure or count something. Yesterday was like that. And the day before.

I don’t remember what happened the day before that, just that everything seemed more difficult than it should be.

And today, I began to get on my nerves as I worked. So I took a break. By the time I returned I’d worked out a couple of things on ‘the list.’

I took a walk around the neighborhood. The heat was still cloying, so it eventually evolved into a trudge around the neighborhood. But the conversation with my inner voice was lively. The activity proved useful.

Not working for days tends to have a negative effect on my mental state. Not working in the for weeks makes me nuts — not at all in the good way.

It occurs to me that it’s a stupid thing to put such a burden on my work. There are other ways to achieve a similar end result (balance, peace of mind, the zone, zen, any alphabet of terms). running, for example. Any activity that allows us to concentrate on that all-important “one thing” can serve as meditation. There is indeed such a thing as too much thinking, after all.

It also occurs to me that I’ve stopped doing these other sorts of activities that used to ‘tide me over’ until I could get back to serious work. I can look back (now) and see how it happened, gradually. I stopped seeing jogging or relaxation as productive and valuable activities. It’s classic anxiety-driven over-working behavior. It seemed that if I had time to do other things, I should be at work, even though a vigorous run can be accomplished in twenty minutes.

This is not good thinking. Or logical.

But loads of us tend to be illogical when it comes to caring for ourselves.

It doesn’t matter so much why we do it, as recognizing that we do and fixing it.

I’ve spent a great deal of energy and time trying to fix a lot of things. I’ve spent little time enjoying.

Most of those things we fret over will very likely seem to fix themselves if we fix ourselves. There’s a reason we’re supposed to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first. Silly humans!

And oh,
- I highly recommend Pixar’s new movie, UP
- And I just bought my second Samsung SyncMaster 2494hs HD monitor.
- I might be going to Canada in March/April 2010 for my Course
- Took a pay cut from ALU
- I have got 30 books to read
- I don’t think I will get married anytime soon. I just haven’t invested the time to look for someone. All my old puppy loves are either estranged in new love relationships or married or getting married. I guess having Leonardo Da Vinci as an inspiration does little for your love life. Esp. now many historian claim he was homosexual.
- I have stop contemplating on the meaning of life. Because it’s like squaring the circle. It would require that pi, used in calculating the area of a circle, be a precise or a “rational” number. Unfortunately pi is irrational.