And oh I am not Depressed.

Melancholy perhaps but than again I have always been like that.

It’s so awesome to be alive and to know that on one on this planet has a clue…

There is a fine line between inspiration and insanity. It can be a tightrope, stretched thin across a wide chasm full of what scares us.

On Sunday I mostly slept. It’s been a long time since I spent a day mostly sleeping. A brain marathon eats energy too. For some things you pay as you go.

I finally managed to shoot my ghost project here at lost boys. Hoorah!

I am grateful for you, fellow stumblers for visiting my blog despite the lack of content. It seems I am struggling to keep a personal journal as well as a blog. I have so much that I want to write about but alas there are Wolves in the Walls. It’s better to keep thoughts private as words have a nasty way of changing people’s behaviors.

Hopefully my new iPad will allow me to blog more often and yes the iPad is really awesome when it’s jailbroken.
More sleep. Then, work. And lots of it.

I’m Human too! Will try sleeping again.

It can be very difficult for me to focus on one thing. Most of the times it’s not easy for me to sit still and concentrate on one project. Frustrating, yes. I’ve learned not to fight against it. It rarely helps. Even with a deadline, I won’t get good results by forcing that sort of creativity. It doesn’t mean I can’t be productive.

Then reality and functionality step up. Have you looked at your work space recently? If you’re working in it, eventually it will most likely evolve to fit you. If you’re working, but not in the space you want to be, it might be time to rethink some things.

Anyway, last week I did a lot of work in school, and a little work on several projects. I told myself that any work I do is useful, and contributes to the whole. True enough, what I’d wanted was to be ‘in the zone.’ Here I was, with time on my hands, an empty, quiet space to work in. A few years ago I would’ve forced myself to work on whatever ‘the thing’ was. And work on ‘the thing’ would have been accomplished. But, at what cost? It takes a lot of energy to get from ‘here’ to ‘there.’ Sometimes it’s necessary—-as for a performer when the curtain opens. But if it’s not, I can be flexible. Like spaces, it’s better for me to let my work rearrange itself to fit the energy that’s there to put into it. To focus on projects that fit the moment, or the state of mind. It’s taken quite a number of crappy choices–including stressing and freaking out, to convince me that this looser approach works better.

Artists tend to be their own worst enemies at times.

I like to think that I’m an artist, and I feel I’m no exception.

Sometimes I must work against an immobilizing force. It will take a powerful ritual to overcome it.

First to create the space.

Then to gather elements; tools, water, coffee, gummy worms and food for energy.

Then to gather the will to create when I feel I cannot.

I have only the most vague and fleeting notion of what I’ll make.

Only the emotion. Fear.

I’m feeling it too. So I’ll start there.

Fear is personal. Don’t underestimate your courage when visiting difficult inner places.

It’s not the same as jumping from a plane, but it’s quite frightening.

I vow to to laud myself for the effort, regardless of what is produced.

I draw on memories of past works, completed successfully and those abandoned with neglect.

I trust the process, which is proven, and living and present and more than just me.

The ritual. Signal to begin. Painting o the digital canvas.

Just a line to show that I am alive and kicking and growing old. What a treat!

Monday was a truly hard day, physically and emotionally, the kind of day we talk about later, after time.

Now isn’t that time.

It’s cold in courtenay, oddly unfitting with the light.

And windy and wet.

And when the clouds rolled in over the mountains, everything went shades of gray.

And in the gray, it could be November I was told.

It is a trick of the mind, and can be made as made real as a hammer falling on your toes.

Example moves the world more than doctrine. Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him.

Art is only a means to life, to the life more abundant. It is not in itself the life more abundant. It merely points the way, something which is overlooked not only by the public, but very often by the artist himself. In becoming an end it defeats itself.

Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music – the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself. In the attempt to defeat death man has been inevitably obliged to defeat life, for the two are inextricably related. Life moves on to death, and to deny one is to deny the other.

Moralities, ethics, laws, customs, beliefs, doctrines – these are of trifling import. One of the reasons why so few of us ever act, instead of react, is because we are continually stifling our deepest impulses. All that matters is that the miraculous become the norm.
Imagination is the voice of daring. If there is anything Godlike about God it is that. He dared to imagine everything. The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in order to have artificial ones which will give him no pain or trouble.

A terrible thing has happened to our culture. Growing in intensity since the 90s, it is the supremacy of personal fulfillment and gratification over notions of obligation and commitment. The psychological community has “helped” with this degeneration of attitude about life’s purpose by defending and promoting the rights and prerogatives of individuals to pursue their own satisfactions in spite of obligations. Consequently, “I want my happiness—I’m entitled to it!” has become, in so many minds, a justification for abandonment of family obligations.