You know it ain’t easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There’s no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I’m telling you
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
They’ve been knockin’ me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won’t go away.

Last June Blogdeganz become six years old.

No one noticed… no one cared… no one has the time any more…

What am I doing here?

Got to find a way to let these feelings go.

What did I do the day I let you slip into my soul.

It was then, when I realized that I would always want you in my life.

I’m so scared, trembling inside.

Sometimes I’m afraid I going to have to live this life without you.

What am I going to do without you?

I have concluded of late that my value and worth are decided by me—not others (mean or nice)—and that nobody can take it away. Since I started earning my own worth in my own eyes, and therefore doing positive things in my life, my worth as a man and human being grows stronger every day.

It’s time to grow up.

And how can I live without you
You’re such a part of me
And you’ve always been the one
Keeping me forever young
And the best is yet to come

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.

The great thing about the past is that it’s over.

There’s really no reason for me to be upset over anything; past, present or even the future.

I can change anything in my life if I so choose.

I can throw away any negative emotions at any time I choose.

I can decide to stop listening to other people and follow my heart’s desire.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

I am not going to put barriers on myself anymore.

I am going to be fucking relentless in my pursuits.

With a heavy heart I had to let you go because I knew you had given your heart to someone else.

I don’t blame you.

It was your choice.

I really wished we could have been together.

You were the only gurl I truly ever loved.

Well that’s all in the past.

Now I’ve got a dream to catch.

A mighty big one at that.

I’m 27 today.

I can’t help but feel depressed. Actually I am putting it mildly.

Every year I get the same questions and the same treatment.

This year was probably the worst.

I did my best to make everyone happy and a little reciprocation would have been nice.

I don’t want to offend anyone so I put on a mask do what I have always done; give polite answers.

… I wish I had someone to talk to, hug, hold hands, laugh with.

But who’s there for me?

February 13, the only day I look forward to each year knowing I will be disappointed.

So yeah, Happy Birthday to Me, may all my dreams come true.

What a pile of …

Actually if you think about it, I chose to be in this depressive state.

All this misery pays no salary.

You know I could change all this and what better way than to do it today.

Well there will always be regrets in life. But life’s too short and fucking pointless to be wallowing.

Always do what you want the way that you want to do it. You don’t need any fucking permissions. Be all you can be, and if people hate you for it, well it ain’t your problem.